Thankful Experiences

Tonight, some of my sweet friends, the Lipscombs, came over to exchange Christmas presents as we always do. For me, tonight made my heart extra happy. Over the past couple of years, my friend and I have been through stuff that we never would have expected to have to go through, but I am so blessed to be able to say, that through everything that happened, our friendship never faltered. You know a friendship has its foundation on Christ when you can go through highs and lows with them, and boy, has this relationship been like a roller coaster.

 So, why did tonight make this little heart of mine happy? 

Because I got to see my best friend look truly happy.

I have known this girl and her little sister (that is my brother's age) practically since birth, so I know when she is hiding feelings from me, and tonight, after a long time, I felt that they were actually happy and that everything was finally okay again. And its not just because it was Christmas, but I feel like everything is "normal", as normal as things are ever going to get. Now the background story to why things have been troublesome, is a long one that I cannot share, but just know that it was something that affected their family, and so many loved ones around them. It was something that my heart is still somewhat broken about, but after seeing them tonight, I feel like those wounds are a little bit more healed. 

I feel truly blessed to have had the experiences that I have had with my sweet best friend, and while writing this post, so many sweet memories are flooding back into my mind. So many that it is almost overwhelming. Some good, and some not so good, but looking back, I can clearly see God's hand leading me, and my friend through the past few years. Now, the friendship that I have with her, is like a sister-we can go weeks without texting or talking, but then we can just see each other or text each other and its like we just catch up from when we last talked! Our conversations range from family stuff, to of course- boy talk (which we have a lot), and it is just like a sister relationship in the way that we would never "judge" one another on a mistake, and when one of us is going through a tough thing (with a guy or what not) the other is right there to just listen and talk it out! 

Looking back on our elementary and middle school days, I look at my friend and I and I see how much of an influence God has had in our lives as individuals and as sisters. I see how much we have grown to have our own personalities, and I feel so blessed to be apart of her life. My sweet friend is as stubborn and tough as a rock sometimes, but I am so thankful that we have talked about things that are sensitive to both of our hearts. I can honestly say, that without this friendship, I would not be who I am today, and I would not trade anything in the world for our memories together and our friendship.

"Sometimes being a friend means mastering the art of timing. There's a time for silence; a time to let go and allow people to hurl themselves into their own destiny; and a time to prepare to pick up the pieces when it's all over."

Yet God Remains

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, 

here is the root of the root

and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; 

which grows higher than soul can hope

or mind can hide.

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars

apart.

i carry your heart.

i carry it in my heart."

e. e. Cummings

So many thoughts circling chaotically through my mind right now. Some exciting, some heartbreaking, and some things that are just there. 

The main reason for this post though.... is to share what God has shared with me recently. 

Some days, it is really hard being a Christian, but the Bible tells us that we'll have those days, so sooner or later I was expecting them to come, but I was kind of hoping that they would not come so soon. Being a Christian girl in the teenage years is a constant struggle, like seriously! I have thankfully been fortunate to grow up in a Christian school, so I have had the opportunity to build a strong foundation for my faith, but the moment I take my life into my own hands and step out before God has totally prepared my heart, things can go down hill, quickly. God is preparing my heart to go out into the world where Satan reigns over people, and God is showing my in the mean time, how much I MUST rely on Him. This time, God taught me the lesson of taking "relationships" into my own hands, and sadly it was a "relationship" with a non-Christian (which I was not aware of). Long story short, I tried taking control of my life and started talking to a guy who said all of the right things to make me believe that he was a "good guy", and posted all of the right things on social media, not hinting at all how dark his heart really was. I was blessed with a Daddy (God) who watches over me constantly, walks hand-in-hand with me, even when I don't want to, who knows when I have gone too far, and knows when and how to pull me back to Him. I knew exactly when God was pulling me back to Him, and even though I tried to go back to the guy I was talking to, God never gave up on me, and just kept pulling me straight to Him and His sweet presence..... and now that I am fully back, I look back to the guy I was talking to, and wonder what I was ever thinking by talking to him in the first place. 

Yes..... that was the short version of the story! Haha!

As I look through my prayer journal through this time, I see God's divine intervention in my life, and I see Him placing things exactly where they should be. I see Him showing me the path and that He walked with me through all of it. One prayer, I was expressing my feelings toward God about the type of guy that, to me, would be right in God's eyes for me to have. As I re-read this prayer, I think of the guy i was talking to, and I see how he had not a single one of those characteristics, and I immediately thank my sweet Daddy that He lead me to ending that relationship. It is truly amazing to me, that when I stop and just look at my life, I can really see how God has total control of my life. I can see how He is woven into the things that I do, and also things that I love and the things that make my heart happy. One night, I asked God to show me what it actually looks like to give Him total control of my life, because I had said those words so many times, but I never really knew what my life looks like when it happens..... But now I see that my life has been in His control the whole time, I have just tried stealing little parts of it from Him (which by the way, does not work, so just do not try it). 

God has control of this little heart of mine, and He remains Holy and loving, despite my crazy mistakes that I make along the way. So from now on, I have decided to just listen to God's sweet voice, who will never lead me astray, and will always call me back to Him. Just like in my friend Avery's last post about being sheep, this is a great example of how much we really are like sheep-we just keep on wandering away, but God (our great Shepard) always finds us and continues to love us. 

 

"I know every bird of the mountains, and the creatures of the field are Mine."

Psalm 50:11