Yet God Remains

"Here is the deepest secret nobody knows, 

here is the root of the root

and the bud of the bud

and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; 

which grows higher than soul can hope

or mind can hide.

and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars

apart.

i carry your heart.

i carry it in my heart."

e. e. Cummings

So many thoughts circling chaotically through my mind right now. Some exciting, some heartbreaking, and some things that are just there. 

The main reason for this post though.... is to share what God has shared with me recently. 

Some days, it is really hard being a Christian, but the Bible tells us that we'll have those days, so sooner or later I was expecting them to come, but I was kind of hoping that they would not come so soon. Being a Christian girl in the teenage years is a constant struggle, like seriously! I have thankfully been fortunate to grow up in a Christian school, so I have had the opportunity to build a strong foundation for my faith, but the moment I take my life into my own hands and step out before God has totally prepared my heart, things can go down hill, quickly. God is preparing my heart to go out into the world where Satan reigns over people, and God is showing my in the mean time, how much I MUST rely on Him. This time, God taught me the lesson of taking "relationships" into my own hands, and sadly it was a "relationship" with a non-Christian (which I was not aware of). Long story short, I tried taking control of my life and started talking to a guy who said all of the right things to make me believe that he was a "good guy", and posted all of the right things on social media, not hinting at all how dark his heart really was. I was blessed with a Daddy (God) who watches over me constantly, walks hand-in-hand with me, even when I don't want to, who knows when I have gone too far, and knows when and how to pull me back to Him. I knew exactly when God was pulling me back to Him, and even though I tried to go back to the guy I was talking to, God never gave up on me, and just kept pulling me straight to Him and His sweet presence..... and now that I am fully back, I look back to the guy I was talking to, and wonder what I was ever thinking by talking to him in the first place. 

Yes..... that was the short version of the story! Haha!

As I look through my prayer journal through this time, I see God's divine intervention in my life, and I see Him placing things exactly where they should be. I see Him showing me the path and that He walked with me through all of it. One prayer, I was expressing my feelings toward God about the type of guy that, to me, would be right in God's eyes for me to have. As I re-read this prayer, I think of the guy i was talking to, and I see how he had not a single one of those characteristics, and I immediately thank my sweet Daddy that He lead me to ending that relationship. It is truly amazing to me, that when I stop and just look at my life, I can really see how God has total control of my life. I can see how He is woven into the things that I do, and also things that I love and the things that make my heart happy. One night, I asked God to show me what it actually looks like to give Him total control of my life, because I had said those words so many times, but I never really knew what my life looks like when it happens..... But now I see that my life has been in His control the whole time, I have just tried stealing little parts of it from Him (which by the way, does not work, so just do not try it). 

God has control of this little heart of mine, and He remains Holy and loving, despite my crazy mistakes that I make along the way. So from now on, I have decided to just listen to God's sweet voice, who will never lead me astray, and will always call me back to Him. Just like in my friend Avery's last post about being sheep, this is a great example of how much we really are like sheep-we just keep on wandering away, but God (our great Shepard) always finds us and continues to love us. 

 

"I know every bird of the mountains, and the creatures of the field are Mine."

Psalm 50:11